“We control what our problems mean, based on how we choose to think about them and what we use as a scale of comparison.”
That sentence changed my life in an instance!
How we choose to look at our problems, determine how we feel about them, I knew that. This was a basic part of my training as a hypnotherapist.
But the missing piece was [what we compared it to].
This is essential because what we use as a measure is: OUR VALUES!
When we have poor values, we compare and measure ourselves and others to, those (poor) values. We worry about things that aren’t even important! Things that make our lives WORSE!
When you choose better values (and you are MORE than capable of choosing your own values!) you focus on what really matters. Things that make you thrive. Things that cause happiness, pleasure, and success as a side effect.
The essence of self-development is: - Choosing and prioritizing better values. - Choosing the things that sets your soul on fire. The shit that really matters!
When you commit to your passion, the things that make you engage, you get better problems. When you get better problems, you get a better life!
Because all the shit that don’t matter fades away.
Problems are an inevitable part of life. If someone tells you otherwise they are lying or in serious denial. But we are able to choose our problems. Just as we choose everything else.
Your problems will shift in the directing of what you choose to spend your time and energy on. Where attention goes, energy flows – I’m sure you heard this phrase before.
Preferable you want the problems that stands between you and your dream. When you commit to that, and that alone, there is simply no room for anything else.
I lived my life up till this point engaging in way too many ‘small-and-don’t-matter-things’. It sucked the life out of me! It made me way more introvert than I already am because I simply couldn’t deal with other people’s shit all the time. And yet I did because I wasn’t aware of what I was choosing.
I had a certain amount of fucks that I could give in a day … and when they were passed around I would crash and burn in my head.
It made me angry! It made me curse people around me. Made me resent strangers .. because obviously they were freaking annoying!!! *sigh*
And it literally was the smallest things that would make me tear people a new one … not proud of this by the way.
- It could be people walking too slow on the sidewalk – in my opinion. - People standing or sitting a little too close in the bus – in my opinion. - People cycling too fast. Or too slow. Or just the being in the way – in my opinion. - People talking on their phone and therefore not paying attention to what they’re doing/where they’re going in the grocery store – in my opinion. - Being furious when someone would call me, and I WAS THE ONE that FORGOT to turn my phone to silent and therefore being disturbed. - When friends or family arrived too early for an appointment. Or too late – in my opinion. - When people complain or get offended by unimportant things – in my opinion.
It felt like MISSION IMPOSSIBLE to NOT run out of fucks within 2-3 hours of starting my day.
I would get annoyed by ANYTHING and EVERYTHING!
I remember I a girl I when to school with. I would refuse to sit anywhere NEAR her in the classroom, because she made an annoying sound when she was breathing – in my opinion.
Give me fucking break!
I always thought of myself as a realist. But in truth and hindsight I was a pessimist!
I saw problems every where and of course I had all the answers – in my opinion.
The challenge in this matter is, that I used SO MUCH time and energy dealing with things that didn’t matter 3 seconds after I encountered them. 5 minutes later I couldn’t even tell you what pissed me off. Because it really didn’t matter! But the angry feeling stayed and built up in my body and my nervous system.
Dissatisfaction is a basic part of my design: energy type 9.
We are here to upgrade.
To remove everything outdated.
Pave the way for new to enter.
But when you are unconscious of the problems you choose to handle and try to take on EVERYTHING you encounter … then you’ll end up burned out and angry at the world and all the people in it.
This was an invitation for me to dive deep inside myself. Take an honest and hard look at WHY everything pissed me off all the time?
For 9’s it's poison to their system to engage in EVERYTHING, like I did. Because it's just not possible to change all the things I found annoying.
I was constantly at war with myself, people around me - THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD!
It is a crucial part of the path of the 9’s to learn to take their armor of, put down the sword and get out of ‘fight mode’. They have the strength to take on the world, but it won’t do them any good. Because then they will lack the energy for the things that truly matters. The thing they are SUPPOSED to move and upgrade.
This was the thing that blew my mind on a beach in Italy.
I gave too many fucks. I was too affected by my surroundings. Instead of just saying FUCK IT and save my energy for what mattered.
But my values were firmly planted in “my way or the high way”.
I had myself convinced that if something wasn’t how I imagined in my head, then it must be something to overcome or remove. No matter what it was. The picture I had in my head was carved in stone and everything I felt intitled to receive. And nothing should tamper with that image.
Entitlement is another thing that has been on my mind, and I will dive deeper into this later
For now, I have set out to change my values. Not going with what my default encodings tell me. But what I make a conscious decision on cherishing from this point furth.
A rule of thumb: if it doesn’t matter in 5 year – don’t give it more than 5 minutes!
Or if it doesn’t get you closer to your dream, but only drains your energy, then save that fuck for latter!
In fact, save ALL your fucks exclusively for things that matter!
Especially things beyond your control, like:
- the sound of people breathing
- someone’s smelly arm pit on the bus
- the person walking slowly in front of you, in the street
If that person has all the time in the world and wanna enjoy the slow pace, congratulate them. Maybe think about slowing down a tat yourself. Take a good look around. Enjoy the view instead of just hurrying from one place to the next all the time.
Your time and energy are the most precious thing you have. Use it wisely.
Life is a fickle thing, and you never know when the game is over. Enjoy the fucking ride not giving a fuck! ..about unimportant things