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My greatest lesson so far ..

December 2022, I changed my name. I do that a lot. I do that to try out the different vibrations and encodings on my own body.

As a numerologist I find it very unsatisfactory to only know the vibrations in theory. I need to get them under my skin to actually know what they feel like, how they act, and how I respond to them. Only by this firsthand knowing I’ll know what it is I am handing out to all the clients that put their faith and trust in me, when they ask me to change their name.

And I don’t take that lightly!

I know what it is like to have someone create a name for you and that name not working out. AT ALL!

It is terrible. It is horrific. It is frustrating. It was also heart breaking and transformational, but that is a story for another time.

This story I want to tell you, is the story of my latest name change.

I am writing it on the last day of me caring this name: Brinette Cer Rosevi.

And BOY have I been looking forward to this day for MONTHS!!

I made a post earlier this year about the influence of 11/2 on specific placements in the charts. How it can make you “highly sensitive”, moody, melancholic, and much more.

I knew all of this when I changed my name. I was schooled in: 11/2 as outcome in the vocal chart is a NO GO!

Buuut I am a learning-by-doing kinda person. I would have forever wondered, if I never tried. Theory is just not enough for me.

So, I dived headfirst into this name. Made sure everything else was on point …

And now I get it.

I totally get WHY this was a no go!

Never ever in my life have a felt more frail, weak, mentally unstable, melancholic, moody, the list goes on.

I don’t enjoy every aspect of my personality – we all have our “thing” right. A shadow we are not particularly proud of.

But I have always been proud of my fighting spirit. My mental flexibility. My strong will.

Nothing, I do really mean NOTHING could bring me down before.

Abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING!

I WAS UNBREAKABLE ... or at least I always felt unbreakable.

When I changed my name, I came from 19/1 as an outcome in vocal chart.

Mental aspects of 19/1 are:

- Being in harmony with yourself and convey it to others

- Having a ton of energy and vitality

- Being mentally strong

- Excellent at creating flow

- Strong self-discipline

- Compassion

- Brings joy (it is a happiness encoding)

- Bright and optimistic mindset

- Positivity, hopefulness, ease

- Trust in life and that everything will work out for the highest good

- Enjoying life and the pleasures of life

I never in my life felt as good as I did with that name! I loved every second of being with that energy and vibration.It impacted my life so profoundly. Showed me that it is possible to live in happiness. And more important: IT OKAY TO BE HAPPY. ALSO WITHOUT A REASON TO.

But going from being on a happy-go-lucky/on-a-cloud-9 feeling … to my new name.

It was like the carpet was pulled out from under neath me. DAMN! That hit. HARD!

It was a brute awakening.

Suddenly I woke up in the morning not feeling happy. I didn’t feel angry or sad either.

Not at first.

But as time when by I felt this feeling of bitterness, sorrow and melancholia creeping up on me. Taking hold. And even though I was prepared that it could happen. I was not at ALL prepared for what it would actually FEEL like.

I have lived through periods of life that was very cheerful. We all have. - I was on a sick leave I 2020 do to stress. - All my previous relationships ended in infidelity. - I battled low self-esteem all my life. - I didn’t have a very happy childhood for various reasons.

I delt with feeling low for periods of time, but always with a good reason presiding it.

Now, I just felt down for absolutely no reason at all. Even when things happened for me or around me that should have excited me beyond belief. I just wasn’t happy. I was just sad. Moody. It made me feel ungrateful.

It wasn’t like the lows I felt before. This was something completely different…

I was the kind of low where you are absolutely certain that this will never go away. It is not just a phase. I won’t “snap out of it” eventually. This won’t change by me saying affirmations to the mirror every morning.

This was a gate way to the deepest and darkest place of my soul and my very being.

This was an opening into all the suffering that is felt on the collective level. It was so powerful and SO heartbreaking at the same time. Knowing that there are in fact people living with these feelings and this mindset every single day – the most part for their whole life.

I just couldn’t bare it.

I only had a glimpse of this nightmare, and I couldn’t wait to escape it! There are people living this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

This is the reason why I practice numerology the way that I do. For this exact reason.

I could hear other people describing what it is like to feel this way. But I would never TRULY have understood it if I haven’t been their myself. NEVER!

I can try and put myself in the position of another person. But not until you walk a mile in their shoes, you have absolutely NO idea how it feels.

I am sincerely grateful to have this experience. Honestly. Even though it has been awful. Because it has given me a priceless insight. I know firsthand what it is like to feel truly despaired. To feel like all hope is gone. To feel worthless. Useless. Sorrow for nothing but life itself. For not being able to accomplish .. anything really. Because I have been so consumed with myself and my inner darkness. Feeling sorry for myself.

No book or teacher could have given me this experience by explaining it to me. Not even if they went their themselves. It is something that needs to be felt wholeheartedly and physically.

This experience has not only made me wiser.

It has made me way more understanding. More compassionate. More spacious. More sensitive. And more in tune with my own boundaries and my body.

I have always had a ton of energy, but not in this name. I felt for the first time what it is like for others, that don’t have this amount of energy. What they can manage and overcome before they start preying on themselves. In my past when things were moving too slow for me, I tend to push people. “Come on. You can do this. If I can do it, so can you!”

But that is just not true. I get that now. I wouldn’t have without this change.

It opened my eyes in SO many ways. Because for the first time in my life I felt drained on a daily level. Even if I haven't done anything. I felt like a didn't have the energy or the resources to make through the day. EVERY DAY. Just the thought of having to do more than 2-3 things in a day knocked me right out of it.

In previous names I have always had a lot of 9-energy in my Solar Plexus + Heart centers. 9 on that placement puts a filter on your sensitivity – both emotionally and physically.

I never truly experience pain before I changed my name away from Stephanie (my birth name).

I had to go into the EXTREMES just to get a small reaction to pain.

With this change I suddenly felt EVERYTHING! It felt like walking into the fairytale of “The princess and the pea”. I never truly felt my body like this before. Felt every twitch, muscle, contraction, soreness.

I never felt what it felt like to be ovulating.

That shit never hurt before. Suddenly it did. A LOT!!

I felt more sensitive on all levels.

I felt frail. Like I could break if someone poked me. Like I was made of glass. It felt like it would be the easiest thing in the world to knock me down. All you had to do was blow at me with a hair drier and I would be on my ass.

This has been an amazing experience. To be in such close contact with myself.

But luckily there are other ways to be closely connected without feeling like you are made of glass. And without only feeling connected to your dark side.

I love 11/2 and all its wisdom.

I will continue to use it in other placements. But I will never use it as an outcome in vocal chart. Not for me. Not for anyone else.

I have learned my lesson. I get it 😊

Now I will focus on my next lesson.

With the new name that I am taking on tomorrow 😊 YAAAY!

It is a name with some encodings that I have been looking forward to trying for very long time and I can’t wait to share my next adventure with you.

XOXO Darling

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