That is what the old symbols on the picture mean ..
They mark a very crucial pivot point in my life.
The day I decided to do exactly that:
Escape the matrix and create my own reality ✨
It was back in December 2019.
I was stuck in a job that wore me out. That didn’t fulfill me. I was stressed. I didn’t get to utilize my skills the way I wanted to. I didn’t get to help people the way I wanted to.
Or at all ..
I was stuck in a bureaucratic system that wasn’t built for the people working in it or the people than ran through it. The system only cared about the system and nothing else ..
I had been working towards an exit for some time. Taking classes. Doing courses. Giving myself a way out and another way to support myself.
But I couldn’t help the feeling that it wasn’t enough .. or that time was running out between my fingers. I felt myself and my soul wasting away. I began experiencing serious symptoms of stress:
· Little or no sleep (waking up within an hour from falling asleep)
· Swarms of thoughts
· Racing and pounding heart
· Shortness of breath
· Shaky hands
· Panic attacks
The whole shebang!
I couldn’t wait for me to be done with the education I needed to start anew.
I couldn’t continue the path I was on either.
I had been working so hard, saving all my money to go on a 2-week vacation with my mom to Cuba and Mexico. I was looking SO forward to this. I truly believed that this was what I needed! When I returned from this vacation, I would be my old self again. I just needed a break ..
On the first day of my vacation. The day we landed on Cuba .. I had my first of three major break downs! A nervous breakdown that just tore me up inside.
It was me finally relaxing. It was my mind coming to terms with not having to work for 3 weeks .. and I cracked like an egg!
I panicked. My anxiety spun out of control!
I ended up picking a fight with my mom in the middle of the street, in a foreign country, in a foreign city and just storming off!!
If you have ever been to Cuba, you’ll know that public transportation is a bitch and that taxi’s aren’t really a thing. They drive along the main roads, but you can’t hail a cap and go wherever you want. Then you commute instead. Which means getting into a car with a stranger and hope to God, they take you where you said and don’t mug you in the process.
After storming off from my mom and wandering around for a while a new panic crept up on me: I had NO idea where I was and NO idea how to get to my hotel ..
I started crying and sobbing hysterically!
My mind was a wreck. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was terrified. I was lost.
I travelled half way around the world to feel even more lost than I did back home ..
Thankfully a man stopped to help me 🤍 He didn’t understand a word of English, but he could see that I was in no condition of helping myself. He got the name of my hotel from the little business card I luckely had with me. He hailed a car and convinced the driver to take me there. Thank God!!
I promised myself - right there in the car - that if I made it back, I would turn my whole life around!
· I would give myself the time to heal the stress - no matter the consequences!
· I would not go back to work before I was ready to.
· I would stop putting in the (MANY) extra hours that didn’t do me any good and didn’t fulfill me.
· I would let go of the pressure to perform (extra) in a job I hated.
· I would focus on things outside of work. The things that actually made me happy and gave me fulfillment.
· I would devote my life to LIVE the life I dreamed of!
· I would work on myself and my mindset
· I would open my heart, be brave and find love again
When we drove up to the hotel, I drew my first deep breath for 9 or 10 months.
I was overcome by joy and gratitude!
I would lie if I said the rest of the trip when smooth. It didn’t. Far from.
But we ended the trip in Mexico, and I sealed the deal I made with myself with a tattoo on my left index finger.
A reminder of the pact I made with the universe!
Bring me home and will spend every day creating my own reality ✨
And so, I have.
I have been walking ever since with bravery in one hand and my vision in the other.
Taking step after step in the direction my heart leads me.
Guided by my soul and my heartfelt dream 🤍
I might take a detour or end up taking the long way sometimes, but I believe that is also part of my journey. I take detours so others may take the shortcuts 😉
I am not there yet, but I get a little bit closer every day. Reminding myself along the winding road that I am the creator and therefor also responsible for making my dreams come true. No one else. ME! ✨
I create my own reality!